Cochlear Implants and Victoria...

Well...We all met (Daniel, Me, Jennifer, Anthony, and Victoria's grandma and of course Victoria) at 6:00 a.m at Children's Hospital on Monday December 3rd. They started surgery around 8:00 for Cochlear Implants so that Victoria will soon be able to hear. Victoria was born completely deaf. This will give her the chance to hear for the first time in her life. It is a very long road and will take alot of determination. It is not something that will happen over night. Surgery went well, but Victoria was in severe pain after surgery. They had to give her 3 shots of morphine. They had to cut/drill on the right side of her head near her ear. This surgery took almost 3-4 hours. Victoria had a hard time holding anything down after the surgery and for the remainder of the day. It was so hard to see her go through all that pain. She got the bandages off Thursday (this week). Jennifer called to tell us that her hair is not as bad as we thought. What happens now?? Well...In two weeks, she will get the staples out and then in six weeks, she will get the outer part of the cochlear implant on which will almost look like a hearing aid. Times have changed because when Victoria was little, a cochlear implant had a box that she would have to carry with a cord that would hang down her side. It has improved dramatically! Thank God for technology!!! She is doing fine now and will go back to school this week. I am so thankful for everyone's prayers! Please continue to keep her in your prayers because this process will take about two years and it will not be easy.
All our love,
Lizzy and Family

Friday and Saturday morning...

My dad called me to see If I wanted him to come over and take me to get a Christmas tree. We went to Lowes and got one! We came home and put it up together with the lights and decorations. Ellie and Gabe really enjoyed it. I really haven't been feeling much like the Christmas spirit since this year is the first without my mom! Ellie and Gabe have helped me remember what it is all about and they keep a smile on my face. Gabe and Ellie wanted to sleep over at my dad's house so my dad decided to take them home with him. They had a wonderful time. He took them to Piccadilly and then to see Christmas lights. Saturday morning, me and Mimi got ready and met my dad in Gulf port to go shopping at the outlet mall. It was alot of fun even though I didn't get to look in all the stores and take my time because of the kids. Oh well..maybe another time. After we went shopping we ate at Cracker Barrel. We all love that place. Well, that was our day!

So much in one week....

I stayed home and got rest today and I also put up some Christmas lights outside for the kids. They are really excited about that. My friend Angie called to remind me about the counseling session at Aldersgate Church which is tonight at 7:00. I called Danny and thank God he was able to come home to watch the kids. I really enjoyed the session and I am so glad i was able to go because I really feel that it helps just talking to people that are going through the same things. It is also helpful listening to others and hear what they are feeling and going through.
I also experienced something wonderful the next morning...I went to bed dreaming about my mom and just thinking about how much I missed her. I woke up around 5:00am and I decided that I wanted donuts. I kept my pajamas on and I went upstairs to get my jacket. I found one that I haven't worn in years and I put it on and reached in my pocket and thought..."wouldn't it be wonderful if I found some money?" Well, instead I found something even better...a note from my mom when I went on my honeymoon. The letter just said that she loved me and wanted me to return home safely and soon. It was so nice to wake up with that. I just felt like she wanted me to find that. The last time I found a note from her was on my birthday this year (on October 1st). That letter was amazing. I will post that another day. Well, I just wanted to share today and what has been going on in my life this week. I know there will come a time where I will want to remember all the details.
Love to all,
lizzy

Wednesday..DNC

Well....What a week this will be...
Monday, Victoria had surgery (cochlear implants) and Tuesday I had my doctor appointment with my OBGYN to discuss my options regarding my pregnancy. The doctor said that she recommends a DNC and she can schedule it on Wednesday. I called my dad as soon as I left and told him what the doctor said and he asked me.."what time do you want me over"! I wanted to cry because I was so thankful that he was going to be there to help with the kids and also drop me off and pick me up. I don't know what I would do without him. Thank GOD! Surgery went fine. It was a little painful and they had to put me under. It was not a pleasant experience. My throat hurt really bad when I woke up. I had alot of cramping and my whole body was stiff. It was a hard day and alot to take in. I was so worried about the kids and I forgot to get someone to stay with me at the hospital. I kinda wish I had someone there, but oh well. All I kept thinking about was my mom..and I wish she was there holding my hand. I know she was up above looking down on me and making sure I was okay.
My dad picked me up and then I came home and Bonnie's Mom (Mrs. Gayle) was there! She made me some chicken noodle soup and she also helped out with the kids. My dad made us all some delicious dinner. I was so happy to have loved ones with me at home. Mimi was also here playing with the kids. We had a house full. I wish Danny could have been there too, but he had to work and he already took off Monday to be there for Victoria. I am just thankful everything is okay now.

Call on Jesus....Listen and read lyrics..video at bottom

Im so very ordinary
Nothing special on my own
Oh, I have never walked on water
And I have never calmed a storm
Sometimes I'm hiding away from the madness around me
Like a child who's afraid of the dark

But when I call on Jesus
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
but When I call on Jesus
Mountains are gonna fall
Cause He'll move heaven and earth
To come rescue me when I call
La La La, La La La La La La La
Weary brother
Broken daughter
Widowed, widowed lover
You're not alone
If you're tired and scared of the madness around you
If you can't find the strength to carry on

When you call on Jesus
All things are possible
You can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When you call on Jesus
Mountains are 'gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth
to come and rescue you when you-

Call him in the mornin'
In the afternoon time
Late in the evenin'
He'll be there
When your heart is broken
And you feel discouraged
You can just remember that He said
He'll be there

When I call on Jesus
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When I call on Jesus
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth
to come rescue me when I call
[repeat]

La La La La La La La La La La

There is a God..33 miles..Press play

The latest news regarding pregnancy

Well, I finally got some results from the Doctor regarding the pregnancy. I went to the doctor on Monday to get another ultrasound and she didn't like what she saw. Which was a sack without a heartbeat and without a baby. She wanted a second opinion, she sent me to another place and they did both kinds of ultrasounds and I had to wait for the "final answer" and the results. I just wanted to know what was going on and what should I prepare myself for. Needless to say..they didn't call me that day. I had to wait till today. The "final answer" is there is NO heart beat so I will have to terminate the pregnancy. NOW...I have to wait until next Tuesday to go to the doctor to discuss my options. Come on now...this is just ridiculous. I am just ready to put this all behind me and move on. I know God does everything for a reason and I am fine with that, but what has been the hardest thing is dealing with this without my mom. It is a reminder every time I need to find someone to watch the kids. For instance..I didn't have anyone to watch them Tuesday when I had to get the two different ultrasounds. I had Gabe there saying "naked, naked, naked" and Ellie lifting the sheets saying...why are you naked mommie?" It wasn't fun..trust me. I was so use to calling my mom and saying, "I need you" and her saying, "I will be there". I wanted to come home and cry with her and have her hug me and tell me everything is okay and No big deal. But...she is not here anymore. It just sucks..
Well, that is the latest and I will keep everyone posted. The doctor said that if I start bleeding really bad to go to the ER and if I pass it on my own and the bleeding is not too severe than that is okay too. I am not looking forward to any of this and I pray that I don't have too much pain.
Well, that all for now..
Gotta get the kids ready for bed..little munchkins...
Love,
Lizzy

Ellie, Gabe and Victoria

I decided last minute to get the kids together (all dressed up) and take Christmas pictures since we had Victoria with us. I am so glad I did!
Victoria is going to have surgery (cochlear implants) on December 3rd at Children's Hospital at 7:30! Please keep her in your prayers. This is a MAJOR deal and a life changing experience. There are NO guarantees!! I will keep everyone posted.
Love ya,
Lizzy

Victoria and Ellie playing...

We had Victoria this weekend! Ellie had a blast playing with her. I actually caught some moments where they were getting along. It was so nice to see! Victoria is getting so big! She is going to be such a beautiful young lady one day. I can't believe it! When I met her, she was 2 years old! Boy, time sure does fly! She is 10 now! Enjoy the pictures

Thanksgiving...

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I know we have so much to be thankful for. This holiday is a little bit overwhelming. I can't believe it is already here. Where did all the time go.
I have been imagining that I would see my mom and she would say "surprise" but that is just wishful thinking. If only that could really happen. I know all the right things to think..like "mom would want us to be happy and live our life" and "don't worry, she is in a better place" and "we will see her again one day". I know all those things are true but then the truth hits me...she is not here NOW. I want to see her face when she sees Ellie and hugs her after she did something to make her excited or when Gabe says "mommom". Those are the things that I won't experience anymore and the kids won't either. What is really sad is that Gabe looks at her picture now and calls her "mimi". She is not his Mimi..she was his "MOMMOM". I try to correct him and he did say "mommom" at one time. I know he will never get to know Mommom and that just breaks my heart because she was such a wonderful person inside and out. I just couldn't sleep last night and I just layed in bed hoping to close my eyes and see her or dream about her.
Ellie told me today that she misses her and she looks in the sky to see her but she can't find her. She wanted to know why she is not here anymore..and I told her that God needed her in heaven and she said..."God gave her wings so she could fly there". I said...Yep, that is right. Ellie remembers everything and she amazes me everyday.
Well, we are going to Aunt Alice's house tomorrow for Thanksgiving (my mom's sister) and this will be our first year eating at her house. We hope to start a new tradition. I still don't know what we plan on doing for Christmas. My dad had to go out of town with work all week but Thank God his job let him come home for Thanksgiving so we can all be together. I wouldn't want to have Thanksgiving without him. I would be crushed. That is one thing I thank god for everyday..."my family". There is no love like the love of your family. Well, I guess I need my rest and I better get to bed.
OH yea..my nephew corey has been here since Monday night and he has helped me out so much. He has been playing with Ellie outside on the swing and he also sits on the couch with Gabe and Ellie next to him. They are so cute together. I wish I would have gotten pictures.
shame on me...:(
Well, I will write more later.
Love to all,
Lizzy

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

My Babies...

more pictures of kids...(from past week)

Gabe and Ellie

Here are some recent pictures of the kids playing outside across the street by the pond. I was just playing around with the camera and I got a couple great shots. Just wanted to share.
Love,
Lizzy

Now...What the Heck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am completely devastated. I just don't understand! I will tell you what happened.
I have a really good friend that is an ultrasound tech and she offered to do an ultrasound today. We went to the hospital and she did the ultrasound (same as Doctor did) and she examined me. She said it doesn't look good. She showed me the sack and it was empty and she measured it to see how far along I was and it said i should be 6 weeks. Well, NO heartbeat, NO BABY! I am pregnant without a BABY! I have never heard of such a thing. I am really trying hard to think positive about the whole thing but I just can't grasp it! She said the doctor will probably call me tomorrow with he results from the blood work ( I am still waiting) and she will tell me that my hormone levels are not rising like they should so something is wrong and she will give me 3 options. DNC, a pill, or let my body remove it on it's own?? I just can't believe this! Pregnant..not pregnant!!!
Well...there it goes...this is my life.....this is the latest.
I don't know what tomorrow holds but I am thankful for each day that God gives me and I know that he does everything for a reason and I know he will give me the strength to overcome this. I know things could be worse..Right??
Love you all,
Lizzy

What the Heck!!!

Okay...so I went to the doctor today and the Dr. did an ultrasound and she said that she did NOT see a heartbeat. I was in complete shock. She told me that I might not be as far along as I thought I was. She also said she thinks I might be 3 weeks instead fo 7! She saw a sack and she told me to go and get some blood work done. I did that right after and I also have to go again on Wednesday and I should find the results out on Thursday. I can't believe I have to wait until then. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster....A really big one that won't end. That saying..you never know what tomorrow holds comes to my mind again. God is in complete control and I am just here for the ride. Well, I just wanted to get it off my chest while it was fresh.
Love ya and I will keep you updated.
Lizzy

My Momma

Here are a few pictures I came across today on my computer. They just make me miss her even more. The ones of her and I when I was little are my favorite. Gosh...I just miss her so much. There are so many exciting things in my life right now that I just wish I could talk to her and just share all the news with her..whether it is good or bad. She would listen to me no matter what she was doing. Very rare did she say...let me call you right back. She new when something was wrong or when I was happy or when I was scared or upset about something. Just like I know what is going on with Ellie. It is just the Mother intuition. Only your mom would know. I have had friends say that I am strong and I am handling this pretty well, but I don't think so. I am just like any one else. I just try my best to deal with the pain every day. The pain will never go away and it will never get easier I just have to learn how to cope with it. I will miss her every day of my life and other days even more, like right now. I just wish I could hear her voice. Well....I need to go to bed...Good Night..

Love Lizzy :(

"Five people you meet in Heaven"

My dad came across a movie called "Five people you meet in Heaven" and he decided to watch it at home while he was sick about 2 weeks ago. My mom actually bought the movie and wanted to watch it with my dad and they never got the chance to. Well, it is about a man that had a long and eventful life and at the end of his life, before he goes to heaven he meets 5 people in his life that had a major impact on him. What was so weird was his wife "that he loved so much" died from an aneurysm and a stroke. That was the same way my mom died. Well, there was a part in the movie when he saw his wife again and she was one of the 5 people. His wife sat with him on a bench and she told him that he must have felt alone all those years that he had to spend alone without her and like God snatched her away from him but she told him that she was there all along and she still loved him just as much as he loved her. She said, "Lost love is still love, It just takes a different form. You can't hold their hand or tussle their hair but when those senses weaken, another one comes to life. MEMORY and Memory becomes your partner, you hold it and dance with it. Life HAS to END and LOVE doesn't!!!
I was just sobbing after hearing all of that. I had to pause it and write all this down because it is all so true. I could only imagine my dad's heart while watching this movie. My heart broke for him. I know how empty he feels without her by his side to hug and laugh with. My mom was such an awesome woman. She always had a smile and a goofy way of just being herself. She was very special in so many ways. I am glad I made the time today to finish watching this movie and I recommend watching that movie. It is very interesting. Well, that is it for tonight.
I am really tired today.
Love to all,
Lizzy

What to expect when NOT expecting

Well, This past saturday night, I found out that I or should I say that Daniel and I are expecting a baby. According to parents.com, the baby will be due near June 29th and I am 6 weeks right now. We are in complete shock and we did not expect this especially right now. I am starting to get a little excited. I know it is a blessing and everything happens for a reason but I was not prepared for this. Well, it seems as though alot of things have happened within the past couple months that I have not been prepared for so I shouldn't be that shocked. I know God won't give me more that I can handle so here I go! I guess it will only make me stronger. I guess I will be really strong.
I made my doctor appt and it will be next monday morning. I am looking forward to it and the Dr. will do an ultrasound so I am excited about that. I have been feeling tired and like I have been on a boat or something. I haven't been sick yet, thank god! Boy that saying "you never know what tomorrow holds" is so true. I will keep everyone updated.

We have had Mimi here the past couple weeks. She has been here for almost 3 weeks. It can be challenging at times but it is a good thing that I am here to help her and she helps me too sometimes. :)
I went to my first counseling session or group? It was last friday and I went with an awesome friend of mine. It was really hard just saying my name and why I was there. It was so hard listening to everyone's reason why they were there. It just broke my heart. It was nice being around people that were going through the same things and feelings. It was nice having someone that could honestly say "i know how you feel because I am feeling the same way". It was nice getting some feelings out and sharing them. The session was free and it will be once a month. I kind of wish It was more. Daniel will be starting a new job soon and I don't know what his schedule will be like so I don't know what I will be able to attend anyway but I will just take one day at a time. That is all I can do.
Finding out that I was pregnant has been really hard to swallow because my mom is not here to share it with. The person that I keep wanting to call is her and I can't. That has been really hard. Mimi came out of her room yesterday after her nap and said that she had a dream about my mom and my mom told her to tell me that "she was proud of me". I almost dropped what was in my hands. I believe she did that. I wish I could just see her and hug her. She wanted me to have another baby. It is just so weird. Well, I better be going to bed. I need to get my rest. :) Love you all,
Lizzy

Ellie and Gabe's Halloween Pictures

In case you are wondering what they are...Gabe is Bootz the Monkey and Ellie is Dora. Bootz is Dora's sidekick. I had some one make Gabe's costume because I couldn't find one anywhere like that. It came out awesome. It was hard getting him to wear the head peice but I got it for the pictures. He looked so adorable. Ellie liked her Dora costume minus the wig. They had alot of fun playing at our neighberhood block party. It was alot of fun.

Monkey getting loose.. :) Ha ha

So cute...Ellie :)

Amazing Grace...

God is Great! We have been struggling for some time now and we have been praying for God to show us what to do and God has opened some doors this week and I am just amazed how Gracious God truly is. I will share the things later but for now..all I can say is God is amazing. I am just in complete awe. God is working in our lives in so many ways and I feel like I didn't realize how much I needed him and he has shown me that I must put ALL my faith, hope and trust in him and he can work wonders. With God, ALL things are possible. I have always preached that but I am learning to understand so much more.

Well, today is Halloween and the kids are so excited about going trick or treating tonight and we are also having a block party, with a space walk and hay ride and all that good stuff. It should be lots of fun. I will post pictures later. Well, gotta get going.
Love ya,
Lizzy