My Momma...

Well, 2 years has passed since my mom passed away and there is not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I still can't believe that she is gone. It still seems like a bad dream. I look at her picture and just shake my head. How could this be? Not "MY" mom. NOT my children's "Mommom". She was supposed to watch them grow and teach them so many things that she taught me. Sing bible songs to them, teach them to help others, be patient, be kind and Always remember your manners.

So much has happened since she passed. Saying "passed" sounds so much better than "died". I just don't like that word.

It has gotten a little easier only because I force myself to focus on other things. I can't dwell on what I can NOT change. It just hurts because I miss her so much. I do remember so many good times. Instead of being happy about all the good memories, I still get sad because I know that I can't make any more memories with her.

I will never forget the time when I had a baby sitting job and she came to help me. We put "kyle" to sleep and we watched "Hope Floats" together. We sat on the living room floor of Serisa's house and we laughed and cried.

My mom made this cross stitch for me that says "LOVE FLOATS". It is something I will cherish forever. I have so many things that she made for me. I am so lucky for the time that I did have with her and also for all the memories that I got to share with her. She taught me so many things! It just reminds me of how short life is and you never know what tomorrow holds. We are NOT promised another day here on earth. One thing that my mom always preached was to stay close with God and always try to do what is right.

I have to admit that my mother's passing has taught me several things.

1. Not to take a single day for granted

2. Always keep God FIRST.

3. God is Always in control
4. I am stronger than I thought

5. Pray, Pray Pray...and Pray

Well, I started this post over the weekend and I saved it to drafts so that I could add some more things during the week.

I bought some Gardenia bulbs at the dollar store and I bought the color "Yellow" in memory of my mom several months ago. Well, I planted a garden in my backyard also in memory of her. The bulbs have been growing and they finally decided to bloom this week! It just seems so special to me because on Thursday May 28th was the day she left Earth to be with her Father in Heaven. Actually she is also with her Mom and Dad as well. I so often think about what it will be like in Heaven. Will my mom know me when I get there? I would like to think so but no one really knows.

I am upstairs right now and Ellie and Victoria decided to join me. Well, Victoria just put a VHS tape in the video player and it was a video that my mom made of me back in 1996. The video was actually for my Dad while he was stationed in Germany for one year. She taped my brothers and I, so that my dad could watch us grow while he was away. She was so awesome. It was so weird to see myself and hear my voice and her voice as well.

My brother Jesse was still in elementary school and he was so little. Ellie didn't believe me that the boy on the tape was Jesse. "That's funny." She also said that "mommom" looked different. :)

I see so much of her in me now. I look at my hands and see her hands. I put on Curel lotion and remember how she use to do that before she went somewhere. I wear "beautiful" perfume and remember how it smelled on her. I hear Ellie hum songs and think of how my mom use to do that all the time. I say to my children, "because I said so" and I hear her telling me that. I look at the stars at night and think of her. I see certain clothes that she would like and I think of her. I didn't realize how much I depended on her until after I had my first child. My mom's love was so genuine and true. She had so much patience. I didn't realize all the sacrifices she made until I became a mom. She always put us first. These are just some of the things that I hope I never forget. She is so much more than a Memory and a picture, she was my MOM!

I love you MOM!!

Today is Memorial Day and it is a day to remember our loves ones that have served in the military and lost their lives for us to have Freedom.

We must not forget to keep those families in our hearts and prayers.

Love,

Lizzy